What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 01:38
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Why do Democrats look like snowflakes and Republicans look like Vikings?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
All the time i was locked up.
What is the reason behind the Russian government's negative view on foreign travel?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
We were not on the streets..
How do you know when your skirt is too short?
What did i know ?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
What are mean nicknames to call my sister? She is always so mean to me.
My life is so biszare .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Do you have any opinion on Japanese writer/actor Yukio Mishima?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I write beautiful poetry .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Why do some people have sex with dogs?
I don,t even have a pension.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She was in good health!
Do you think your landlord should have a key to your room?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I think the readers, may guess!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Would this be the day?
I have no regrets .
It was going to be , some day.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She married twice! .
When she asked me how she looked .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She wouldn,t have been !
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Why did i forgive my father ?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Comes on , in middle age.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
So whats the point in blame.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But, we were locked up after school.
Especially a lifetime of it.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I was very sick at this time too.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
So, i spoilt her more .
I never cut or harmed myself..
I will be 64.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I waited trembling.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He resisted the act ,that day.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Was to survive, this bastard.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
This is soul school!.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
One cannot live in the past .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Put me off passion for life!!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But it wasn’t much.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She found it foreign!.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
(And it was in our own minds.)
And i lived it daily.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She loved him until the end.
Im still living with it.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Ive learnt so much.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I said to her
I was seconnd youngest,
Who then, do I blame.?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was scared of men, in general
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I was 9 years of age.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We all went to grammer schools
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He knew the spot.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
My family never makes their pension either.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!